he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
