I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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