gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
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Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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