so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
