i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
