She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
