OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
