I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
