He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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