how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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