I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
