2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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