hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
