Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
