You really coming over, don't trick.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
