i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
