I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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