when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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