Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she peed on how many people?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
