you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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