I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
