Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
