his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
