do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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