I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
