hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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