Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
