I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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