well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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