Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
