Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
