Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
