I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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