I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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