Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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