You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
