Everything about him screamed your future.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
