u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
