My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
