if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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