This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
