Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
