So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
