i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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