ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
