The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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