Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize