had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
