Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
