Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
