I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
