I cut my penus on the lid.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
