it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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