some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
