we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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