32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
