I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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