3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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