hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
please come you make the beer taste better
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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