Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
