hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What a dumb baby whore.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
