He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
